Amanda

chokexonxthis77 @ 2007-08-27T15:33:00

2007-08-27T19:33:24Z

well im finally 19! i can now have some legal fun. My birthday was amazing, i have the most incredible friends in the world. Thanks to my wonderful friends and a wonderful girl i got the guitar ive been wanting for a very long time now. I saw it once and knew i had to get it and i mentioned it a few times to jordon and he came up with the idea to surprise me with it and got some of my other friends in on it. It was the sweetest most amazing thing anybody has ever done for me.

Here is my baby

chokexonxthis77 @ 2007-03-25T14:52:00

2007-03-25T18:53:25Z

Happy Birthday. I know we don't talk anymore but i hope you have a good one.

chokexonxthis77 @ 2007-03-14T21:39:00

2007-03-15T01:42:46Z

this is to you, obviously you know who you are.

Im so sorry that all of this is happening, im not completely sure if you know but this is worth a shot. You are the victim in this and you deserve so much better. I wish we could all talk this out because i honestly wish i never got involved in the first place. I hope one day you can talk to me about it.

again im so sorry.

chokexonxthis77 @ 2007-03-14T13:29:00

2007-03-14T17:30:10Z

It really sucks having to delete people but when you have to worry about what you write it has to be done.

chokexonxthis77 @ 2006-12-18T18:02:00

2006-12-18T18:02:11Z

Yesterday was really cute although i got pissed off during some parts but thats ok haha. I havent had a night like this in a while, i mean just staying in watching movies, buliding gingerbread houses..it was nice. Steph makes me laugh so much, im so happy we met this year. While we were watching the devil wears prada haha, ryan called me. I can not believe he called me after what happened the last time we talked. At first he acted like nothing even happened and than all the sudden was like "seriously what do you want from me?" i havent talked to him in a while and HE calls me and asks ME what i want from him??. Than he just kept going on about how we should try starting a relationship and how i shouldnt be scared because it didnt have to be serious. I didnt know what to say, so i didnt really say anything. I dont want anything to do with him.

Sometimes i fucking hate distance...<3

chokexonxthis77 @ 2006-11-22T07:42:00

2006-11-22T07:42:38Z

I really do need to tell you something...actually theres so much.

~~get out of my head~~

chokexonxthis77 @ 2006-08-28T16:54:00

2006-08-28T21:02:33Z

I havent updated in a while, its not that nothing has happened, its just that im too lazy to put it all in words.

Summer is coming to an end, in a couple of weeks ill be in school. Let the pressure commence, i hope i do well. I just got my schedule today, it looks alright i just dont know how im going to be able to work. I don't want to find a new job but i might have to.

Im really excited yet nervous about this, but i need some sort of change in my life and hopefully this will be a positive one.

chokexonxthis77 @ 2006-05-31T14:13:00

2006-05-31T19:14:44Z

I'am so happy <3

Things are going quite beautifully right now. I hope they stay this way.

chokexonxthis77 @ 2006-05-14T21:55:00

2006-05-15T03:25:40Z

K so i totally stole this from margaret.

Im going to say a few things that I've always wanted to say to people but would never have the guts to actually say. This may or may not be about you.

You have made a huge impact on my life but its definitely been a negative one you fucking bitch. Obviously your pride is more important to you than I ever was. 9 years absolutely means nothing, fuck all those times i called you my best friend in actuality you are the most disgusting person i have ever met in my entire life. Lying can only get you so far. One day this is all going to come back to you.

You've always been there for me, even when I stopped hanging out with you and made new friends i always knew i could rely on you and i definitely don't deserve it. You are the only person who stood up for me and i can't ever tell you how much that meant to me. I still take you for granted, its just sometimes you annoy the fuck out of me and i hate the way you let him treat you sometimes. I still love you though haha.

how do i even begin to describe you?? you're amazing. I feel bad cause sometimes i completely just let go and vent on you but you always try to help. Class would never be the same without you. I love laughing at the stupidest things that nobody else would find funny with you.

When it comes to you im a little confused. You're so much fun to hang out with, its just sometimes you seem a little too fake. You're a great person, you don't need to lie about stupid shit to make yourself seem cool.

You're adorable, you've never said or done anything to piss me off. Im so happy we're going to the same college next year. I love how we both bitch about the same thing all the time.

Excuse me for being "immature" for thinking that an 18 year old shouldn't go after a 14 year old. You are so fucking rude and its sad how you go for the younger girls because you know you could never get anybody your own age. I get so pissed off just looking at you.

How about you just do me already? hahaha you must know who you are. I love you! i just wish I could see you more, we've never seen each other out of school and i dont even know why. I want to get extremely intoxicated with you. Im totally serious about the do me part too.

I used to dislike you very much but now i just think you're amazing. Im so glad we've become closer. You actually try to make me feel better when a certain someone is bringing me down. You make me laugh way too much and i love it when you visit me.

Im so jealous of you because you get to spend so much time with the person i wish i could see everyday.

You're gorgeous and a great person. I had a huge thing for you but i can honestly say that i dont anymore. I love getting drunk with you. I just wish you were more...careful and weren't so...easy haha. Whatever though, i love you.

We were closer at some point, especially in the summer and i must say i miss those days. It might not seem like it but i still do consider you a good friend. If it weren't for you i wouldnt have met some of the best people i know. I miss the shows.

I know that you're a good guy. Its just you are way too controlling and its so annoying having to always do what you want. You can be such a jerk sometimes.

Where do i even begin with you? I know that i will never be your first choice or even a choice at all. You've put me through a lot...unintentionally of course. I know you don't mean to hurt me sometimes its just i read into everything way too much. I've pretty much given up hope but my feelings for you are still strong. I have no idea how i let it get this far, i mean i never see you and even when i do im so shy..unless im drunk. You are the cutest girl ever, when I do see you i always stop for a second and look at you and thats when the butterflies form, You do the cutest things ever. Lets not forget you have the cutest angry face i have ever seen. You've inspired me to actually play and write my own songs again, and thats really important to me. Thank you for always being there for me and listening...You mean the world to me. I think i can genuinely say that I hope you get what you want, he's such a lucky guy and i hope he realizes it soon...I can't help but think he's an idiot though. Your happiness would mean so much more to me than my own =).

chokexonxthis77 @ 2006-04-14T19:52:00

2006-04-15T00:54:25Z

I got my kitty today =D

chokexonxthis77 @ 2006-04-09T14:17:00

2006-04-09T19:17:54Z

Im getting a kitten next week =D. It's sooo cute, fell in love with him the moment i saw him. Any ideas as to what i should name him?

chokexonxthis77 @ 2006-04-03T19:46:00

2006-04-04T01:02:08Z

I just love how somebody is trying to make themselves the victim. This can all end with a simple apology or at least just own up to it and accept the responsibility of their own actions. Lets hope nobody actually believes their bullshit, although i wouldn't be surprised if they did.

This bitch is a great liar.

watch your mouth
hold your tongue
some things are better left unsaid
now i hope you're pleased
you let your pride stand tall
it danced within your words right before your fall right before you
why don't you, why don't you say that to my face,
i've had ripped down torn down so many things,
everything you, everytime you, every word you say,
if i told you this was killing me,
would you would you stop?

chokexonxthis77 @ 2006-03-24T22:18:00

2006-03-25T04:27:20Z

Today actually turned out be great, didnt really expect it to cause my plans didnt quite work out but it was still fun. I went downtown with patty, this was the first time we went out alone and it definitely wont be the last. I love how alike we are, we have the same humour and thats so hard to find, cause i laugh at the stupidest shit ever. I've gotten pretty close to her this year and i love it. I saw this other side to her today and it just made me appreciate her so much more. We had some sweet talks =). I can totally be myself around her. OH and I got to see Zanta again! hhahaha i can't believe he's still doing that, the last time i saw him was at gay pride in july! he's exactly the same, wearing the santa hat, no shirt, and red boxers hahah it was so cold outside too. We talked for a bit, he is fucking hilarious.

Yesterday was the spring concert, i wasnt looking forward to it but it was a lot of fun. Im so proud of gel! i actually teared up when i saw her on stage singing.

haha, the bitch at the back is posing for the camera too

Patty, me, mab <3

chokexonxthis77 @ 2005-12-27T12:24:00

2005-12-27T18:25:15Z

chokexonxthis77 @ 2005-12-06T20:34:00

2005-12-07T02:54:09Z

I had a good day, nothing to complain about. I'm failing math though, i blame it on carm haha, i cant concentrate cause we're always laughing, we talk and laugh about the stupidest things ever its great. I love how i can totally be myself around her, math class would be unbearable without her. We've been laughing at the same things for over a year, and we can spend like a whole period just making jokes about each others moms, messed up shit like that. God, i love that girl. Not many people see her like i do though cause she seems sooooo shy and quiet but once you get to know her she's just crazy...we're pretty much alike in that sense.

yep, pointless entry.

Life isn't so bad =).

chokexonxthis77 @ 2005-11-30T21:20:00

2005-12-01T03:20:43Z

Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful

Dream with me

2005-11-29T02:05:43Z

I had a nice day, school was pretty dull today though. Some people really piss me off. I'm not going to let myself be used anymore, funny how when things don't work out for her and somebody she likes, she comes to me. Fuck that.

I have 35 hours of community service so all i need are 5 more and im done, I don't think im going to stop going there though. I met John's daughter today, John's the awesome man who makes fun of everybody and she told me that he's always talking about me to everybody and I thought that was the sweetest thing. Just that makes me think that going there is worth it. These people have really affected me, i know this is going to sound really lame but just spending time with them and seeing how happy its makes them is such a nice feeling. I'm so glad I decided to do my hours there. Who'd a thought old people can be so much fun? I mean these people are fucking hilarious, i love it.

Please don't tell me that i'm the only one thats vulnerable

chokexonxthis77 @ 2005-11-27T20:00:00

2005-11-28T02:34:02Z

K so i was feeling pretty good until i started talking to one of my friends, what she said hurt but its probably true. She doesnt really know about the situation though, and she doesnt know how strong my feelings are. Fuck i dont even want to talk about it cause im so pissed off. There's also this guy who's fucking annoying me too, telling me shit like im not bi, i just think i'am...how the fuck would he know. He's probably just jealous cause i've done more with a girl than he has. I hate it when people act like they know you.

Fuck i wish i was talking to her =(

chokexonxthis77 @ 2005-11-26T21:28:00

2005-11-27T02:27:00Z

Yep i do feel like a loser haha.

Im happy today cause im with diane. We're being nerds and are playing gay computer games. She's ignoring me right now but its ok cause i still love her.

thats it.

chokexonxthis77 @ 2005-11-17T18:41:00

2005-11-17T23:49:33Z

Things are pretty ok now, except for the fact that i still cant go out... I want to go to semi! everybody is going to get drunk, im so jealous. This weekend is going to suck, im so desperate to go out that im probably going to call josh. fuck.

I had an interesting talk with one of the people at the old folks home today, He was telling me how he loves getting drunk but its hard to drink there cause they arent allowed to and he never knows where to put the empty bottles...i like him. Ernest was there today! there's also a black girl named ernestina there and holy fuck i laughed so hard when i read it off her name tag...Ernest and Ernestina what are the odds! hahaha i find the stupidest things funny.

Yvonne <3 i feel so special cause i was mentioned in your lj haha. I better see you tomorrow and i better get 24875349862 kisses. Lets kill that stupid bitch.

chokexonxthis77 @ 2005-11-13T21:12:00

2005-11-14T02:22:14Z

This weekend actually wasnt that bad thanks to Dee, im so happy she's driving now =D. Im not looking forward to school, Just cause i have to wake up early. We got our report cards on friday, i hope my parents dont find out about that cause this is the worst i've ever done...seeing as how this is my last year its probably not the best year to slack off haha. I'll try harder...hopefully.

Kinda happy about going to the old folks home tomorrow, ernest better be there.

Fuck man, i hate when people have msn names like "im so mad" and put a bunch of angry faces and when you ask them what's wrong they just say "dun worry bout it" fuck you, if you dont want to talk about it dont put that shit in your name.

I miss hanging out with the gang
I miss alcohol
I miss random make outs that are caused by the alcohol
I miss YOU

AND

HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY SARAH! i cant say that enough haha

chokexonxthis77 @ 2005-11-12T16:12:00

2005-11-12T21:18:47Z

Yay for finally getting out of the house. Diane picked me up and we went to timmies and now im at her place. I love how my mom trusts her so much.

Things are going ok, they could be worse.

Maybe this is what I needed? doesnt feel like it right now but in the late...late future maybe i'll be thankful that this happened, no good could have came out of the shit i was doing...sure it was so much fun but you never know what could have happened.

I'm strangely optimistic.

chokexonxthis77 @ 2005-11-10T20:18:00

2005-11-11T01:30:35Z

Im feeling pretty good today. Im slowly starting to let go of certain things, not really because i want to but more because i dont have a choice. Too bad letting go of certain things is so hard but i'll make myself believe its for the best. Im still nervous about tomorrow but everything is going to be ok =), things have a way of working themselves out. The only thing im worried about is losing some of my close friends cause the only time i can actually socialize with them is at school, hope they dont forget about me haha.

Anways! I made a new friend today, he's doing his placement thing for college at the old folks home cause he wants to be a social worker. He's fucking awesome, he's black and his name is ERNEST! hahaha love it.

YAY for the weekend! I get to spend some more quality time with myself =P.

chokexonxthis77 @ 2005-11-07T18:22:00

2005-11-08T00:32:55Z

I don't know what to think anymore...I know for sure now that the person who fucked me over is a really close friend. My mom got another phone call today, and this one was much worse..she knows about everything Like she quoted things that i've only said to my closest friends, things that nobody else knows about.

If by some chance the person who did this to me is reading this, You won. I have no idea what i did to you, but you've managed to completely ruin my life. Stop being such a pussy and tell me who you are.

My mom made an appointment for me on wednesday to get drug test, im really scared...

Fuck, i miss her so much already =(

chokexonxthis77 @ 2005-11-05T13:13:00

2005-11-05T18:24:50Z

awesome friday! only not really haha, all i did was watch moulin rouge like 4 times and read. Things are really fucked up but im trying not to let them get to me. I really want to find out who those girls were, i can't think of anybody who would do that to me...i havent done anything to anyone. Maybe good will come out of this though, cause i've been doing my homework with lack of anything better to do and im too scared to do drugs again. Nothing is going to stop me from drinking though, thats my one true love haha. I got my guitars back! oh how i've missed them and it was only like 2 days, i've written like 2 more songs that nobody will ever hear =), she's my inspiration.

I'm sorry, i really mean it too...I just freaked out <2